A recent quote by 18th century historian Jane Kamensky when asked if she would go back in time to live in the 18th century:

"I would fit very poorly...  They were always too hot, too cold or in pain.  They were just much closer to their own subsistence."

For me, the answer to the why is often about getting to my own subsistence or essence.  Now I am not kidding myself, a fully supported and catered Ironman race is not even close to the subsistence level of survival.  Despite the porta potties and catered rest stops, for those extended hours, at the end of the day, all of the layers are stripped from the surface.  At some point I arrive at my essence/core and for a few moments and I have the clarity of my existence.  After the race, I know I have found my center and that it is always there waiting for my arrival.

My best friend (she would rather pull off every fingernail than complete a triathlon) asked me last week what I thought about during a long race.  My response was to explain that I think about everything and everyone.  At some point I hope to think about nothing and no one.   When I arrive at the core, I am one with my body and my mission.  I am focused and I have arrived in the place I belong. 

Very few of us ever discuss the WHY.  However, we know, we see it in each others eyes and we understand that at the end of the day, we become what we are and not what everything else or everyone else desires us to be.  At the end of the day we are no longer the parts, but the sum of our existence.  At the end of the day, we have survived perhaps the hardest self-inflicted test we can face and we walk (hobble away) with a few precious pieces of truth about ourselves. 

I have always thought that it is so fitting that an Ironman ends with the marathon.  There is no fancy equipment and no strong current to carry you along.  In the last event, we are all on our own with our body, our demons and our spirit.  We are too hot, too cold or in pain.  We are at our own subsistence. 

  

 

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